Watch “How to Heal Depression, Clear Your Negative Energetic Blocks… Get Energy Again” on YouTube

I won’t go a day without watching his videos. 😄

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Piccolo? Wolverine? Piccorine?

So, years ago one of my friends have been bugging me to draw him a picture of two of his favorite characters in one, Piccolo and Wolverine, to be a “Piccorine.” I’m finally trying to draw it. It’s fun thus far, just trying to merge the two together. I can’t wait to see the final result.

Watch “How to Let Go of Your Past and Move Forward” on YouTube

I give a lot of thanks to Ralph Smart for helping me keep my head up. He doesn’t know me and I don’t know him personally but watching his videos and listening to him really does good for my mental health. I remember first seeing one of his videos when I was in a deep depression.

A couple of old pieces

My friend made a sketchbook and called it “Duh Wholly Bye-bull” back in 2010. I completely forgot I drew a couple of things in there. I do remember the actual book but I completely forgot I contributed to it’s content.

Her sketchbook. I always wondered about it and I was happy when she refreshed my memory about my drawings.

My two drawings below. Obviously, they’re not the greatest but I enjoy running into things like this.

I think I’m an “Ace”

I’ve been reading on asexuality for a while. I do believe I fall somewhere in that spectrum. I have no interest in sex and I have absolutely zero interest in romance. Sure, I can find a guy handsome but I can also find a woman beautiful yet to me, they’re the same; I have no sexual attraction to either of them.

I’m not a virgin and I do have a daughter but now that I look back, I have an explanation for the way things happened. I was 23 when I “lost” my virginity and I had what was supposed to be sex with him, only twice. I believe that was a self fulfilling prophecy because I do remember when I was 12, I didn’t want to lose my virginity until I was 23. As I got closer to 23, I got more embarrassed of being that “old” for a virgin.

I remember being embarrassed of being a virgin all throughout highschool because my unattractive and out of shape friends already lost their virginity and when I finally started working at my current job, I didn’t want everyone to know I was still a virgin. I was still embarrassed at my lack of sexual “experience” since my first partner had me twice; the first incident being under a minute. I decided to let a one night stand happen with a guy I had a crush on at the gym I was going to since it’s such a shame for a 24 year old to only have been intimate twice in her life.

Then I turned 25 and I technically only had sex three different times. I was still embarrassed and ashamed of my lack of experience. Then came along a gentleman that would change my life forever. I didn’t think much of him at first but as we started to get to know each other and he was showing genuine interest in what I had to say and displayed manners, I became infatuated with him.

Fast forward to a few months after that, we became intimate. I loved him and he couldn’t do any wrong so I let it happen. That doing didn’t end so well but I did end up having a daughter by him and I don’t regret it at all.

My sperm donor was the last person I was intimate with and it’s been almost three years since we were that close. I have no desire to be intimate with anyone not any desire to have romance in my life. I only enjoy platonic relationships.

No, I’m not heartbroken and waiting for my last partner to mend things with me and I didn’t let him “ruin my views on relationships;” I just really think I’m an ace. I’ve never really had an actual relationship that lasted at least a year and I’ve only had three partners in my life. I don’t crave sex or romance. I may say things in jest about an attractive man, but I don’t act out on it. I’ve only had one crush since my last partner and I do believe the cause of the crush was not only to have something to look forward to at work but also the taboo factor in it (which I might mention in a later blog).

Why I hate work

It’s the place where all dreams die. It’s the place where you let go of touch with your old talents. It’s the place that you’re dedicating the majority of your day to someone else’s purpose or vision.

Looking back, I used to be so creative and then I started working and I pretty much neglected my talents. I really regret moving up to full time because now my time for things and people I really love have been reduced. I only have myself to blame for loving a boring, unfulfilling life.

The worst part is that I work in customer service. I’ve always been an introvert since I was a child and I even considered myself a misanthrope. An introverted misanthrope working in customer service putting up the friendly facade to everyone. Well, I truly am friendly and approachable but I’d rather not interact with strangers. It’s not that I want to be mean, it’s just that I enjoy being left alone but I must admit some interaction with my co-workers is pleasant, depending who it is.

Being fake is fucking draining. Not all the time I’m in the mood to smile at all these dumb ass customers and answer their stupid questions. Just shut up and let me do my God damned job! We’re expected to use their names and be unnaturally happy. That’s completely unrealistic. I’d say customer service is unhealthy since it’s so draining to be around all these fucktards and having to put up that “always happy” front.

The only thing pleasant about my job are my coworkers and the pay, which is exceptionally good for the kind of work it is. Ok, there are other perks like the option to eat at different restaurants, being able to walk everywhere and get your exercise and a few other things that are likeable but other than that work sucks.

What I’ve learned thus far in life is to really stick to your passions or you can play it safe, get a job and lose yourself.. or maybe you can be a little smarter about it and balance work and your hobbies out. I’d quit if I were brave enough. Customer service is NOT my passion! But I can’t just leave. I have a daughter to take care of and being her sole provider, I’m not at much liberty to just up and leave my job. Technically I can but that would be selfish of me to leave the steady income. The plan is to save my money and do my artsy stuff on the side and hopefully that can eventually be my source of income.

Another reason to hate work is because that’s where I met my sperm donor and I’m sure it’s obvious how that turned out. Well, it’s not so bad because I got my daughter out of it but I just wish things were different. I should’ve never fell in love but that’s another story for another time.

Anyway, work sucks and it’s the place you die without leaving your body unless you’re smart about managing your time!

#Vent #Work #Matrix #Help #Creativity #Slavery #WageSlaves

BTW this is just a pic of my plants from when I was happy and jolly and able to spend more time doing enjoyable things. Gardening was one of them and I neglected my green thumb when I started working full time. Fuck you, work, seriously! And fuck me for making terrible decisions but here’s to noticing it before I get any older! 🍻