No Heart (Poem)

How do I live when I don’t have a heart

The life I’m living is tearing me apart

How can I get through this terrible day?

Nothing about this makes me want to stay

I’m doing the same thing over for no reason

I originally hoped it’ll only last for a season

All this has done is make me feel numb

But I keep doing it daily, making me dumb

How can I continue living with no heart?

I’ve seem to have lost it, or it fell apart

What a wonderful day, but I choose to waste it

And I wonder why bitter is all I’ve tasted

I wonder if I could ever get lucky again

Because I know this is not exactly the end

I have better choices that I know I can make

But having a heart and drive is what it’ll take

I’ve seem to have lost my will and my heart

And for that reason is why I can’t start

Will I ever be able to just get away

Because none of this make me want to stay

I’ve been there and done with no results

But at least I was able to see and revise my faults

Life can be fun, even I can admit

So, I must have a heart so I can live it

Where has it gone? I keep asking myself why

But to no avail the search has made me cry

Maybe I’m looking in the wrong direction

Or maybe it’s in the mirror, my reflection

I cannot find it, where has it gone?

Maybe I’ll receive it when my race is won

I’m not much of a runner, I can’t keep going

But I’m eager to find my heart is what I’m showing

I think I’ve found it, but not where I expected

Somewhere, internally is where it was detected

I think I am living now that I found my heart

I’ve always had it right from the start

Just Some Art Advice

Things aren’t going to be perfect right away. We all want it to be perfect on our first try, whether you’re drawing, painting, writing, etc.

This is going to be a charcoal drawing of my friend and her fiance. As you can see it doesn’t look like much right now; it could be me and a character from Doug. All art pieces have to start somewhere; they’re all just lines and shading/ coloring when you think about it.


These are a couple of my first timers as far as oil pastels go. As you can see, I used them like crayons; technically there’s no right or wrong way to do art, but oil pastels weren’t really meant to be used like crayons.

After trial and error, I was better able to use the oil pastels in this drawing.


Before

After

Remember, you can’t expect the first line, the first stroke, the first word, first whatever you’re doing to be the same as your outcome of the piece you’re working on. Just work through it and see where it takes you. That’s the beauty of art.

9 Signs You Should (maybe) Quit Your Job Now

9 Signs You Should (Maybe) Quit Your Job Now


I didn’t type this but I really felt I can relate to a lot of those signs. My job isn’t a bad job and I love my bosses and some of my co-workers but I’ve outgrown a customer service oriented job. 😖 I’m an introvert by nature and I’m forced to be around strangers five days out of the week; it’s detrimental to my mental health. It’s helped me grow as a person during the first few years but I’ve learned all I can and now I’m just stuck doing the same thing with no interest in climbing the ladder. I do hope to do something I love for a living; I know there will be days that aren’t favorable but I want to enjoy what I do.

Watch “How to Let Go of Your Past and Move Forward” on YouTube

I give a lot of thanks to Ralph Smart for helping me keep my head up. He doesn’t know me and I don’t know him personally but watching his videos and listening to him really does good for my mental health. I remember first seeing one of his videos when I was in a deep depression.

My Tumblr blog about Societal Standards

“They want us all to be the same. One faceless mass of morons who follow the same fads. I’ll speak more from a woman’s point of view because, well I am a woman, a biological one as well.

We’re expected to look a certain way. They want us to spend hours to get ready so we can alter our natural features. The worst part is that we spend money on all this expensive makeup, but when we die, will it really matter? Not only our faces are supposed to be immaculately altered but our hair is supposed to be “done” all the time. We can’t just wash our hair and put it in a bun without some man, or anyone, for that matter to make a snide comment about it being unbrushed/ unwashed when in reality it was thoroughly cleaned and completely brushed. On top of looking good from the head up, we’re expected to to have an amazing figure. Big tits, small waist and a full set of hips. If we have C cups or smaller, we’re considered to have “no boobs,” and the worst part is some of your so called female friends are the ones who perpetuate that ridiculous standard; then superficial men tag along with those beliefs. Thankfully, people are warming up to the fact that not all women can attain a hip to waist ratio of under .7 but it’s still preferable to have that tiny waist and big hips.

Now that the looks are covered, let’s not forget the other things that are expected of us. These may and can apply to men as well. Our education and career. So, what is it? We’re ideally supposed to have a degree and a career by 25-26? You know, it’s kinda hard to decide what we’re going to do for the rest of our life when all of our life we’re pretty much rewired to hold certain beliefs and it doesn’t help when we have friends and family telling us what we should do it where to work. They most likely mean well, but are we happy with it? Are we choosing an education that will really get where we truly want to be, or are we choosing it because we feel pressured? Let’s be honest, most of us don’t know a whole lot of people who have at least a bachelor’s degree and a satisfying career by that age range. Most people work a job that they don’t want to be working for the rest of their life to pay off student debt or are trying to save money for their education.

What about marriage? We all NEED to have a partner. We’re not allowed to be single and happy. We need to have a life partner to be there for all the life changing events in your life as well as the mundane day to day activities. Nevermind if your partner is toxic for you; it’s more acceptable to have a shitty partner than to be single with a sound mind. Yes, marriage can be beautiful and if it works for them, then good for them but it’s lousy to believe everyone needs to be married.

We just need to quit living by society’s standards. I’m aware we have our own preferences in what we’re attracted to or what we do and don’t find attractive but it’s very unnecessary and shallow to place those aesthetic standards on everyone else. What works for one person or people doesn’t work for all. Let’s just stop caring about what’s expected of us, mind our own business and live life the best way that works for us. ~

https://nikkropolis.tumblr.com/post/179711874949/societal-standards