I’ve been reading on asexuality for a while. I do believe I fall somewhere in that spectrum. I have no interest in sex and I have absolutely zero interest in romance. Sure, I can find a guy handsome but I can also find a woman beautiful yet to me, they’re the same; I have no sexual attraction to either of them.
I’m not a virgin and I do have a daughter but now that I look back, I have an explanation for the way things happened. I was 23 when I “lost” my virginity and I had what was supposed to be sex with him, only twice. I believe that was a self fulfilling prophecy because I do remember when I was 12, I didn’t want to lose my virginity until I was 23. As I got closer to 23, I got more embarrassed of being that “old” for a virgin.
I remember being embarrassed of being a virgin all throughout highschool because my unattractive and out of shape friends already lost their virginity and when I finally started working at my current job, I didn’t want everyone to know I was still a virgin. I was still embarrassed at my lack of sexual “experience” since my first partner had me twice; the first incident being under a minute. I decided to let a one night stand happen with a guy I had a crush on at the gym I was going to since it’s such a shame for a 24 year old to only have been intimate twice in her life.
Then I turned 25 and I technically only had sex three different times. I was still embarrassed and ashamed of my lack of experience. Then came along a gentleman that would change my life forever. I didn’t think much of him at first but as we started to get to know each other and he was showing genuine interest in what I had to say and displayed manners, I became infatuated with him.
Fast forward to a few months after that, we became intimate. I loved him and he couldn’t do any wrong so I let it happen. That doing didn’t end so well but I did end up having a daughter by him and I don’t regret it at all.
My sperm donor was the last person I was intimate with and it’s been almost three years since we were that close. I have no desire to be intimate with anyone not any desire to have romance in my life. I only enjoy platonic relationships.
No, I’m not heartbroken and waiting for my last partner to mend things with me and I didn’t let him “ruin my views on relationships;” I just really think I’m an ace. I’ve never really had an actual relationship that lasted at least a year and I’ve only had three partners in my life. I don’t crave sex or romance. I may say things in jest about an attractive man, but I don’t act out on it. I’ve only had one crush since my last partner and I do believe the cause of the crush was not only to have something to look forward to at work but also the taboo factor in it (which I might mention in a later blog).